God’s Worst for Me

That’s exactly what I expect most of the time.  And I’ve had an of it today.  How can I explain?  I’ve been meeting with a mentor lately.  She encourages me, prays for me, listens to my rambling…  She also gives me bible verses to read.  This, of course, is with the intent of encouraging me further.  So, the other evening, I sat down with a list of verses to look up.  The first verse on the list was Deuteronomy 32:51.  Imagine my surprise: this is where God is telling Moses that he will not live to see the promised land.

51 This is because both of you broke faith with me in the presence of the Israelites at the waters of Meribah Kadesh in the Desert of Zin and because you did not uphold my holiness among the Israelites. 52 Therefore, you will see the land only from a distance; you will not enter the land I am giving to the people of Israel.” (NIV)

I struggle with these verses – and a lot of other verses, too.  So, I immediately thought of awful ways in which this could apply to my dreams for the future.  I also put my bible aside and felt sad.  Today, those thoughts came back, because of something I heard on the radio.  That set the tone for my ride to work and the first little bit of my work day.

I really have a tendency to plan out all of the negative things that will happen in my life as part of God’s plan.  Don’t get me wrong:  I know that I will have troubles in this world.  I already have, and I know they’re not finished.  Happily, I’ve seen God turn some bad circumstances into good  great in my life in the past few years.  Because of his Word (and my experience), I know that things will work together for my good.  That’s because I love him and I AM called to his purposes! (Romans 8:28.)

Since I know that all that is true whhyyyyy do I think that every weird dream, negative-sounding bible verse, sad story is God’s way of giving me a preview into the awful that will befall me.  Even as I type this, it sounds ridiculous, yet I fall for it.  Almost every time.  That’s probably why I’m typing it, I think.  Letting the thoughts stay in my mind can be dangerous, because they mill around and cross-contaminate, and the spiraling starts.

Would you please pray for me on this all?  

3 thoughts on “God’s Worst for Me

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